You look up and see a door floating in circles in front of you. It draws closer and closer, slowly opening as it does. You step inside and find yourself in another world outside the one you know. It is a world of infinite possibility with infinite variations and infinite forms. It's infinite. This is known as the multiverse and it's a very very big place. I'm serious, one universe is big enough and there are millions of them! That's why it took me so long to get this episode up, I got lost and the cheeseburger man I met in dimension 212 gave crappy directions! Don't trust cheeseburger men, they may smell delicious but inside they are nothing but processed meat byproduct!
...
Anyways, I'm back and ready to share more of the strange worlds I have uncovered in this the latest entry in "SOMEWHERE IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE!"
Somewhere in another universe:
It was discovered that George Lucas' turkey neck was in fact an evil alien parasite bent on ruining our childhoods.
Apple put Steve Jobs' brain into an Apple iBod.
It was discovered that Abraham Lincoln was in fact involved in paranormal investigations, he wasn't a vampire hunter however, but did go toe to toe with El Chupacabra.
When Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight Rises was released it inspired Michael Bay to quit directing and become a monk in a monastery.
Tron Legacy charged tickets to 3D showings at half price due to it being only half 3D.
When someone is diagnosed with a terminal illness said patient is given a nurse who sexually pleasures them in ways that are illegal in our universe.
Theaters that had showings of The Smurfs secretly replaced the film with copies of the Playboy version of Avatar, which explains how it nearly beat Cowboys and Aliens at the box office.
The game Angry Birds is actually a war biopic.
Men have developed the ability to see through clothing and have managed to keep this hidden from women for hundreds of years.
The Government has been hiding the existence of extraterrestrials from the public. The reason for it, as stated by President Richard Nixon, was: "For shits and giggles."
There is no such thing as Orange juice with pulp.
Men who leave the toilet seat up are forced to eat 28 metric tons of lima beans as punishment.
In "Rise of The Planet of The Apes" David Hewlett is considered the main protagonist.
Verizon actually sells androids. Not the phones but actual androids.
The world is inhabited by cheeseburger people who eat humans between slabs of granite. They also give terrible directions.
The Large Hadron Collider was designed by IKEA.
The Batman movies are even more realistic. In that Bruce Wayne grows up to be a normal guy since he had no clue how to train to become a master crimefighter because who the hell does that?
We know what the three sea shells are for.
You've had sex with *insert favorite celebrity here* but no one believes you.
Dead Island was just as emotionally engaging as it's trailer.
Someone has invented the Geek Girl detector.
And so our meeting has come to an end. Leave here knowing that while you may inhabit an insane world that it could have been worse. You could have been a cheeseburger person, or had sex with your favorite celebrity but no one believes you. For all things are possible somewhere in another universe....
Showing posts with label Somewhere In Another Universe. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Somewhere In Another Universe. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Saturday, May 28, 2011
"Somewhere In Another Universe." Season 2: Episode 1
Anyone who watches science fiction knows about the multiverse theory: the theory that there are an infinite number of alternate realities with different aspects to each one. Some of these worlds are fairly similar, with the exception that Hitler won the second world war, others are so different that we ourselves wouldn't be able to exist in them like the one where oxygen is banana pudding. It may be difficult to understand, but open your mind and step through the threshold and peek upon these alternate worlds as we see what is going on Somewhere In Another Universe...
Somewhere in another universe...
...Bruce Wayne is frightened of spiders.
...Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive bat.
...people have long since banned fast food commercials but still allow cigarette ads on television.
...dinosaurs never died out and civilization consists of evolved velociraptor descendants.
...bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, and other monsters are media whores.
...there is a cable channel dedicated to only science fiction shows.
...Arnold Schwarzenegger's illegitimate child is part cyborg.
...the giant prehistoric monsters of the deep such as the megalodon still exist and most people live 300 miles inland as a result. This is also the world where the film Jaws (still about a great white shark mind you) is considered a comedy.
...people are purple tubes.
...we have finally developed hoverboard technology.
...we have met an alien race that all look exactly like *insert favorite actor/actress here*
...soylent green is kittens!
...red is blue and blue is red.
...there is a planet made entirely of cotton candy.
...Charlie Sheen is actually winning.
And that concludes tonight's "Somewhere In Another Universe."
Somewhere in another universe...
...Bruce Wayne is frightened of spiders.
...Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive bat.
...people have long since banned fast food commercials but still allow cigarette ads on television.
...dinosaurs never died out and civilization consists of evolved velociraptor descendants.
...bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, and other monsters are media whores.
...there is a cable channel dedicated to only science fiction shows.
...Arnold Schwarzenegger's illegitimate child is part cyborg.
...the giant prehistoric monsters of the deep such as the megalodon still exist and most people live 300 miles inland as a result. This is also the world where the film Jaws (still about a great white shark mind you) is considered a comedy.
...people are purple tubes.
...we have finally developed hoverboard technology.
...we have met an alien race that all look exactly like *insert favorite actor/actress here*
...soylent green is kittens!
...red is blue and blue is red.
...there is a planet made entirely of cotton candy.
...Charlie Sheen is actually winning.
And that concludes tonight's "Somewhere In Another Universe."
Sunday, September 19, 2010
"Somewhere In Another Universe" Special Feature
Our world is a very loopy place. It's a world that pays millions of dollars to people who do nothing but pretend to be someone else for about an hour. It's a place that constantly says that education is important but also keeps cutting the budget to the classes that provide said education. We wonder what our place in the universe is but refuse to acknowledge that with such a big universe our place must be very very small in the grand scheme of things. We argue over the question of whether or not there is a God when in all honesty the only reason a higher being matching the description of God would want to create a universe is that said being doesn't understand his/her place in the grand scheme of things either. We are so diluted by our own illusion of superiority that we refuse to take into consideration that we, as a very tiny minority in relation to the whole universe, might be nothing but a high school science experiment (albeit a high school inhabited by beings millions of years more advanced than us).
It is the fact our world is so loopy that makes people such as myself wonder: "What if?"
"What if, somewhere in another universe, Kentucky Fried Chicken was called Pennsylvania Oiled Ostrich?"
"What if, somewhere in another universe, Rosie O'Donnell was a popular television icon?" (I shudder at the thought).
"What if The Sopranos ran for ten more seconds?"
"What if, when you lie, your pants spontaneously combust?"
It's all speculation, but it's fun to speculate on worlds that are just as strange and diverse as our own universe.
I have shared with you some very strange worlds. Worlds where the things we wish were true are indeed true, where a cat looks like a dog and it's always a good idea to leave your fly unzipped. But there is one universe that stands above the rest. This universe is so strange that it makes the stuff you've seen in James Cameron's Avatar seem mundane.
It's a universe that I have saved up until this day, a very special day, because I felt it wouldn't be suitable until now. It's a universe so special that it deserved it's own singular episode. This is the time I have decided to share it with you now...
So here it goes...
Somewhere....
In Another Universe....
....
...
.........
.....
...
...Everyone talks like a pirate...
HAPPY TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY YA LILLY LANDLUBBERS!!!!
It is the fact our world is so loopy that makes people such as myself wonder: "What if?"
"What if, somewhere in another universe, Kentucky Fried Chicken was called Pennsylvania Oiled Ostrich?"
"What if, somewhere in another universe, Rosie O'Donnell was a popular television icon?" (I shudder at the thought).
"What if The Sopranos ran for ten more seconds?"
"What if, when you lie, your pants spontaneously combust?"
It's all speculation, but it's fun to speculate on worlds that are just as strange and diverse as our own universe.
I have shared with you some very strange worlds. Worlds where the things we wish were true are indeed true, where a cat looks like a dog and it's always a good idea to leave your fly unzipped. But there is one universe that stands above the rest. This universe is so strange that it makes the stuff you've seen in James Cameron's Avatar seem mundane.
It's a universe that I have saved up until this day, a very special day, because I felt it wouldn't be suitable until now. It's a universe so special that it deserved it's own singular episode. This is the time I have decided to share it with you now...
So here it goes...
Somewhere....
In Another Universe....
....
...
.........
.....
...
...Everyone talks like a pirate...
HAPPY TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY YA LILLY LANDLUBBERS!!!!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
"Somewhere In Another Universe..." Episode 7
It's mind boggling how vast the universe is. You'd think that with all that space there'd be more out there than just more galaxies. I keep expecting to see a Starbucks through my telescope in the late hours of the night. No doubt this will soon be a common sight when man has grasped the stars as his new dominion. Large, planet sized, Starbucks restaurants as far as the quantum scope can see. After all... if there is nothing in the universe but more and more galaxies, why not put a couple Starbucks to liven things up a bit?
This is a new chapter in "Somewhere In Another Universe..."
Somewhere in another universe:
Justin Bieber gets water bottles thrown at him on an hourly basis... and they're filled with lead.
Instead of showing me the "Fail Whale" Twitter just redirects me to a porn site and apologizes for the inconvenience. That way I'm not as irked about it.
Girls ages 9 through 19 aren't seen as a viable demographic to cash in on.
People actually know that Twilight was the first book Stephenie Meyer ever wrote, and that this fact explains a lot of things...
Car commercials actually try to be entertaining.
Lewis Black is still funny.
Every problem can be solved with SCIENCE!!!!!
M. Night Shyamalan has never made a crappy movie.
Death Row inmates are given a choice on how to die. Either die by crucifixion, or watch all the Twilight movies. Statistics say most go for crucifixion.
Wearing sunglasses while firing a gun makes you look cool, firing a gun without blinking makes you god.
The United States have elected their first dolphin president.
There is a movie where all the zombies are vegetarian.
We have discovered a deadly microscopic life form in our solar system. It's structure looks uncannily like Justin Bieber and strangely enough any persons infected with this life form begin to bleed from the ears and die twenty minutes later.
"Ring Around The Rosie" has been officially labelled as a song too creepy for kids to sing.
We have portal technology that allows instantaneous travel to any place in the world. However, the police still ticket people for speeding.
There is an air force that relies on kamikaze tactics but doesn't have a large budget. Thus the pilots always set their planes on auto pilot before jumping out of the plane with a warhead strapped onto their heads to keep the loss of their aircraft to a minimum.
This has been another episode of Somewhere In Another Universe...
This is a new chapter in "Somewhere In Another Universe..."
Somewhere in another universe:
Justin Bieber gets water bottles thrown at him on an hourly basis... and they're filled with lead.
Instead of showing me the "Fail Whale" Twitter just redirects me to a porn site and apologizes for the inconvenience. That way I'm not as irked about it.
Girls ages 9 through 19 aren't seen as a viable demographic to cash in on.
People actually know that Twilight was the first book Stephenie Meyer ever wrote, and that this fact explains a lot of things...
Car commercials actually try to be entertaining.
Lewis Black is still funny.
Every problem can be solved with SCIENCE!!!!!
M. Night Shyamalan has never made a crappy movie.
Death Row inmates are given a choice on how to die. Either die by crucifixion, or watch all the Twilight movies. Statistics say most go for crucifixion.
Wearing sunglasses while firing a gun makes you look cool, firing a gun without blinking makes you god.
The United States have elected their first dolphin president.
There is a movie where all the zombies are vegetarian.
We have discovered a deadly microscopic life form in our solar system. It's structure looks uncannily like Justin Bieber and strangely enough any persons infected with this life form begin to bleed from the ears and die twenty minutes later.
"Ring Around The Rosie" has been officially labelled as a song too creepy for kids to sing.
We have portal technology that allows instantaneous travel to any place in the world. However, the police still ticket people for speeding.
There is an air force that relies on kamikaze tactics but doesn't have a large budget. Thus the pilots always set their planes on auto pilot before jumping out of the plane with a warhead strapped onto their heads to keep the loss of their aircraft to a minimum.
This has been another episode of Somewhere In Another Universe...
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
"Somewhere In Another Universe" Episode 6
Our universe is populated by us and anything that lives beyond our solar system. We don't know what actually exists outside of our little collection of celestial bodies, but we have a general census that tells us that beyond our universe there might be or might not be another form of intelligent life. What we do know for certain is that there are lots of large hunks of rock and giant balls of gas floating around out there. However, somewhere in another universe, the giant balls of gas and rock are undecided on whether or not other celestial bodies exist outside of their respective solar systems but they are fairly certain that most, if not all of them, carry loud obnoxious forms of supposedly "intelligent" life.
This is another episode of "Somewhere In Another Universe..."
Somewhere in another universe:
Netflix has grown into a super-powerful corporation that rivals Wal-Mart, but you still can't find a good pair of shoes at either one of them.
The world has suffered a great disaster that has reverted human civilization back thousands of years. However, recent discovery of "lost records" have inspired a new form of religion called "Potterstantism" i.e. those who follow the lessons written in the book of Harry Potter. They constantly fight with members of another religious sect called the "Tolkiens."
We vote for politicians the same way we vote for the next American Idol and we still hate the ones who win.
Benjamin Franklin once said: "... in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death, taxes, and threesomes."
Seth McFarlane had an original idea once.
It's always lupus.
Edward Norton will be in the new Avengers movie.
Pixar has made an R rated movie.
Pie is part of a healthy breakfast.
Everybody loves steak, even vegetarians.
Science fiction physics apply to the real world, i.e. if you throw a nuke into the sun it will start working again.
Organic food is people!
The phrase "It's the best thing since sliced bread" has been updated to "It's the best thing since internet porn."
Instead of getting me a birthday card with a sexy woman on it, people just get me the sexy woman.
Hostage negotiators use children to negotiate with criminals because they know the kid will always win in a negotiation.
All those years of watching zombie movies will pay off eventually.
Society is exactly like it is in the film "The Invention of Lying" but here it's actually funny when Ricky Gervais discovers lying.
Skynet has found better things to do with it's time machine assassination idea, like killing off Sephanie Meyer before she writes the Twilight books.
Someone has found a demotivational poster that actually demotivates someone instead of making them laugh.
Stephen King has been called the "Master of Horror" hence Stephanie Meyer has been called the "Queen of Suck."
Wasps actually have a significant role in the ecosystem apart from just being really annoying--and sometimes horrifying--pests.
Interrogators know that the best way to get answers from anyone, even operatives trained to resist forms of interrogation, is to play a 30 minute video of people getting hit in the crotch in humorous and sometimes horrible ways.
Ubisoft has made a game that doesn't have some bullshit logic like enemies spawning in spots just seconds after you've passed them and dying from ridiculously short falls.
This has been another episode of Somewhere In Another Universe.
This is another episode of "Somewhere In Another Universe..."
Somewhere in another universe:
Netflix has grown into a super-powerful corporation that rivals Wal-Mart, but you still can't find a good pair of shoes at either one of them.
The world has suffered a great disaster that has reverted human civilization back thousands of years. However, recent discovery of "lost records" have inspired a new form of religion called "Potterstantism" i.e. those who follow the lessons written in the book of Harry Potter. They constantly fight with members of another religious sect called the "Tolkiens."
We vote for politicians the same way we vote for the next American Idol and we still hate the ones who win.
Benjamin Franklin once said: "... in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death, taxes, and threesomes."
Seth McFarlane had an original idea once.
It's always lupus.
Edward Norton will be in the new Avengers movie.
Pixar has made an R rated movie.
Pie is part of a healthy breakfast.
Everybody loves steak, even vegetarians.
Science fiction physics apply to the real world, i.e. if you throw a nuke into the sun it will start working again.
Organic food is people!
The phrase "It's the best thing since sliced bread" has been updated to "It's the best thing since internet porn."
Instead of getting me a birthday card with a sexy woman on it, people just get me the sexy woman.
Hostage negotiators use children to negotiate with criminals because they know the kid will always win in a negotiation.
All those years of watching zombie movies will pay off eventually.
Society is exactly like it is in the film "The Invention of Lying" but here it's actually funny when Ricky Gervais discovers lying.
Skynet has found better things to do with it's time machine assassination idea, like killing off Sephanie Meyer before she writes the Twilight books.
Someone has found a demotivational poster that actually demotivates someone instead of making them laugh.
Stephen King has been called the "Master of Horror" hence Stephanie Meyer has been called the "Queen of Suck."
Wasps actually have a significant role in the ecosystem apart from just being really annoying--and sometimes horrifying--pests.
Interrogators know that the best way to get answers from anyone, even operatives trained to resist forms of interrogation, is to play a 30 minute video of people getting hit in the crotch in humorous and sometimes horrible ways.
Ubisoft has made a game that doesn't have some bullshit logic like enemies spawning in spots just seconds after you've passed them and dying from ridiculously short falls.
This has been another episode of Somewhere In Another Universe.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
News about SGU season 2 and general junk going on at the moment.
To start off, I've recently heard that some Stargate Atlantis characters are coming to the Destiny on SGU next season. One in particular, the always loveable Dr. Rodney McKay. When I heard the news I had only one thought that has since stuck with me ever since: There is no way this isn't going to suck.
Why? Well think about it for a moment. Dr. Rodney McKay will be showing up on the Destiny (obviously by using the communication stones. When aren't they ever used after all?). Rodney will obviously be there to fix something if not find a way to turn the ship around being one of the best people in the field of ancient technology and overall science and handsomeness (I added the last one if you can't tell). However, so far in this show any attempts to get these people off the ship has either been a big lie or nearly causes the ship to blow up. Knowing this, and the fact that most of the special guest stars on the show like Michael Shanks and the rest of the SG-1 alumni have been sorely underused or have had really bad breaks in character (seriously no one thought Jack's behavior in the finale two parter was out of character?) it's only an inevitability that we'll be getting a Rodney McKay we haven't seen since the episode where Teal'c got stuck in the stargate. The one who everyone hated and eventually was proven wrong (sure by Sam, which is always the case but seriously now). I can see it now, the episode will have Rodney show up, give some pretty good nostalgia for Atlantis fans, then have him nearly blow up the ship in an attempt to do something that would kill the show if it actually worked.
That's the problem, we know Rodney now, we've seen him go from pain in the ass scientist we hate to pain in the ass scientist we love because he never lets you down no matter the odds (sure he blew up a solar system but that was one episode). The only way they could make this impending episode any good is if Rodney actually succeeds through sheer adversity. He's not in Atlantis anymore, and this ship is full of very angry people who probably end up beating him up before the end of the episode. I can see Greer wanting to choke the life out of Rodney, and fighting with Rush on the correct way to operate the Destiny. The only person who should like him is Eli. And when the ship begins to blow up and Rodney does his last minute hero routine and saves the day he should leave the Destiny crew in a better situation than before, and they all know why he is one of the best in the end or more likely they know why everyone puts up with his bull. Not every episode of this show has to end on a low note. That's why I enjoy the pilot episode so much, we are left with a battered crew who just staved off death for another day and they all get to rest easy for a moment.
I know I'm going nuts on an episode that probably hasn't even been shot yet, but I needed to voice my concerns. After all, Universe has yet to convince me that it is better than another season of Atlantis. It has the potential, but the show really needs to kick into a higher gear soon. I'm done with the whole soap opera drama, it doesn't need more episodes like "Earth." It needs more episodes like "Air" and "Time."
After all, the first ad for Universe they showed after the Atlantis finale said: "The greatest journey is the journey home." not "the bestest Stargate is the one with pregnancy drama and love triangles" .... wait Atlantis had both of those!
I just hope the show does find it's place, because it seems about as lost as the Destiny crew.
In other news I've been on the market for a new computer. The one I'm using now is about as annoying and overused as the Twilight saga. I hope that with a new one I can get back to writing more often than I do now. That and I'm tired of having arguments with this computer...
I intend on making the next Somewhere In Another Universe soon, I just have to find more things to joke about.
Why? Well think about it for a moment. Dr. Rodney McKay will be showing up on the Destiny (obviously by using the communication stones. When aren't they ever used after all?). Rodney will obviously be there to fix something if not find a way to turn the ship around being one of the best people in the field of ancient technology and overall science and handsomeness (I added the last one if you can't tell). However, so far in this show any attempts to get these people off the ship has either been a big lie or nearly causes the ship to blow up. Knowing this, and the fact that most of the special guest stars on the show like Michael Shanks and the rest of the SG-1 alumni have been sorely underused or have had really bad breaks in character (seriously no one thought Jack's behavior in the finale two parter was out of character?) it's only an inevitability that we'll be getting a Rodney McKay we haven't seen since the episode where Teal'c got stuck in the stargate. The one who everyone hated and eventually was proven wrong (sure by Sam, which is always the case but seriously now). I can see it now, the episode will have Rodney show up, give some pretty good nostalgia for Atlantis fans, then have him nearly blow up the ship in an attempt to do something that would kill the show if it actually worked.
That's the problem, we know Rodney now, we've seen him go from pain in the ass scientist we hate to pain in the ass scientist we love because he never lets you down no matter the odds (sure he blew up a solar system but that was one episode). The only way they could make this impending episode any good is if Rodney actually succeeds through sheer adversity. He's not in Atlantis anymore, and this ship is full of very angry people who probably end up beating him up before the end of the episode. I can see Greer wanting to choke the life out of Rodney, and fighting with Rush on the correct way to operate the Destiny. The only person who should like him is Eli. And when the ship begins to blow up and Rodney does his last minute hero routine and saves the day he should leave the Destiny crew in a better situation than before, and they all know why he is one of the best in the end or more likely they know why everyone puts up with his bull. Not every episode of this show has to end on a low note. That's why I enjoy the pilot episode so much, we are left with a battered crew who just staved off death for another day and they all get to rest easy for a moment.
I know I'm going nuts on an episode that probably hasn't even been shot yet, but I needed to voice my concerns. After all, Universe has yet to convince me that it is better than another season of Atlantis. It has the potential, but the show really needs to kick into a higher gear soon. I'm done with the whole soap opera drama, it doesn't need more episodes like "Earth." It needs more episodes like "Air" and "Time."
After all, the first ad for Universe they showed after the Atlantis finale said: "The greatest journey is the journey home." not "the bestest Stargate is the one with pregnancy drama and love triangles" .... wait Atlantis had both of those!
I just hope the show does find it's place, because it seems about as lost as the Destiny crew.
In other news I've been on the market for a new computer. The one I'm using now is about as annoying and overused as the Twilight saga. I hope that with a new one I can get back to writing more often than I do now. That and I'm tired of having arguments with this computer...
I intend on making the next Somewhere In Another Universe soon, I just have to find more things to joke about.
Monday, July 26, 2010
"Somewhere In Another Universe..." Ep. 5
The biggest question asked is whether or not there is an afterlife. Is there a place we go before we die? Somewhere in another universe we know there is, and somewhere in another universe we know there isnt. However, somewhere in another universe the universe is the afterlife but is disguised by the idea that it is an alternate timeline caused by the detonation of nuclear weapon over an electromagnetic pocket.... I still don't get how it all fits together...
This is yet another episode of "Somewhere In Another Universe..."
Somewhere In Another Universe:
Steven Spielberg was dealt ten lashes for "discovering" Shia LaBeouf.
Furbies have been hunted into extinction.
Whales have been extinct for a year, this is because the whales saw "Whale Wars" and they wished to cancel the show.
Mike Rowe contracted herpes on an episode of "Dirty Jobs" covering the oldest profession in the world.
The X-Files HBO special (yay nudity!)
We know why aliens cross billions of light-years to probe our anus... it's actually very flattering...
Sex Toy Story: A Dark Tale of Psychological Trauma.
When people talk, text, or bring their loud unruly children into a movie theater; they are immediately taken to the back of the theater and are shot in the head by a bald, sharply dressed hitman. Don't worry the kids are taken to a kennel.
Julia Roberts' mouth is labelled as a weapon of mass destruction.
The ending of Inglorious Basterds is what really happened.
We have already cloned dinosaurs, they do stints in Vegas.
People can have sharks as pets.
Pac-Man is a social allegory for the US's obesity problem. The ghosts represent death, and when you eat healty food like fruit you can stave off death for a while more.
Ideas for funny alternate universes come to me more quickly.
This has been an episode of "Somewhere In Another Universe"
This is yet another episode of "Somewhere In Another Universe..."
Somewhere In Another Universe:
Steven Spielberg was dealt ten lashes for "discovering" Shia LaBeouf.
Furbies have been hunted into extinction.
Whales have been extinct for a year, this is because the whales saw "Whale Wars" and they wished to cancel the show.
Mike Rowe contracted herpes on an episode of "Dirty Jobs" covering the oldest profession in the world.
The X-Files HBO special (yay nudity!)
We know why aliens cross billions of light-years to probe our anus... it's actually very flattering...
Sex Toy Story: A Dark Tale of Psychological Trauma.
When people talk, text, or bring their loud unruly children into a movie theater; they are immediately taken to the back of the theater and are shot in the head by a bald, sharply dressed hitman. Don't worry the kids are taken to a kennel.
Julia Roberts' mouth is labelled as a weapon of mass destruction.
The ending of Inglorious Basterds is what really happened.
We have already cloned dinosaurs, they do stints in Vegas.
People can have sharks as pets.
Pac-Man is a social allegory for the US's obesity problem. The ghosts represent death, and when you eat healty food like fruit you can stave off death for a while more.
Ideas for funny alternate universes come to me more quickly.
This has been an episode of "Somewhere In Another Universe"
Sunday, July 18, 2010
"Somewhere In Another Universe..." Ep. 4
The universe is what encompasses every part of our existence. It's your pet dog, cat, rabbit, or alligator. It's your wife and all the nagging words that come out of her. It's the room you find yourself trapped in... with your wife. It is strange, mysterious, and everyone wants to know why it's there. However, somewhere in another universe, we are more curious about how a woman like Stephanie Meyer became a popular published author. Oh wait that's this universe...
This is another episode of "Somewhere In Another Universe..."
Somewhere in another universe:
David Hasselhoff is still running on the beach in bright red shorts.
How The Grinch Stole Christmas is a brilliant example of The Observer Effect in Quantum Physics: a physical being cannot actually steal a made up holiday unless he is observed doing it.
When you order a cheeseburger with no mustard at McDonalds you always get a cheeseburger without mustard, and if by some inexplicable reason that you do get mustard you are given the keys to the restaurant that served you the burger.
Everyone knows the first half of the joke that ends with "rectum damn near killed em!"
Matt Damon...
Hugh Jackman is kicked in the balls for every X-Men film after X-2 for every plot hole.
The Doom movie had actual demons.
Everyone knows that the lady depicted in Leonardo Da Vinci's Mona Lisa was a lovely hooker he met on the street formerly known as Rick.
The Land Before Time is more historically accurate (i.e. the t-rex kills them all in the end).
They didn't kill hiks and noot!
on December 21, 2012 the world will turn into a silly Roland Emmerich film.
Video games still have cheat codes.
Brodyquest is a realistic depiction of Adrien Brody's actual day, every day of every year.
Talking to yourself isn't a sign of madness but genius!
The picture on the milk carton is of a person you might want to steer clear of.
Being someones bitch in prison automatically grants you 50% of said prisoner's estate.
It's been scientifically proven that the first second you see of Shia LaBeouf's face in a movie trailer results in an 40% drop in possible profit and declines 5% every second thereafter.
Chewing tobacco does make you a sexual tyrannosaurus.
This has been an episode of "Somewhere In Another Universe..."
This is another episode of "Somewhere In Another Universe..."
Somewhere in another universe:
David Hasselhoff is still running on the beach in bright red shorts.
How The Grinch Stole Christmas is a brilliant example of The Observer Effect in Quantum Physics: a physical being cannot actually steal a made up holiday unless he is observed doing it.
When you order a cheeseburger with no mustard at McDonalds you always get a cheeseburger without mustard, and if by some inexplicable reason that you do get mustard you are given the keys to the restaurant that served you the burger.
Everyone knows the first half of the joke that ends with "rectum damn near killed em!"
Matt Damon...
Hugh Jackman is kicked in the balls for every X-Men film after X-2 for every plot hole.
The Doom movie had actual demons.
Everyone knows that the lady depicted in Leonardo Da Vinci's Mona Lisa was a lovely hooker he met on the street formerly known as Rick.
The Land Before Time is more historically accurate (i.e. the t-rex kills them all in the end).
They didn't kill hiks and noot!
on December 21, 2012 the world will turn into a silly Roland Emmerich film.
Video games still have cheat codes.
Brodyquest is a realistic depiction of Adrien Brody's actual day, every day of every year.
Talking to yourself isn't a sign of madness but genius!
The picture on the milk carton is of a person you might want to steer clear of.
Being someones bitch in prison automatically grants you 50% of said prisoner's estate.
It's been scientifically proven that the first second you see of Shia LaBeouf's face in a movie trailer results in an 40% drop in possible profit and declines 5% every second thereafter.
Chewing tobacco does make you a sexual tyrannosaurus.
This has been an episode of "Somewhere In Another Universe..."
Sunday, July 11, 2010
"Somewhere In Another Universe..." Ep. 3
The universe is an infinitely large place, we are but a speck compared to the goings on in the furthest reaches of the cosmos. However, our little speck is probably the most annoying in the entire universe. We spout out billions of radio and television signals packed with what we consider "entertainment." If there are extraterrestrials out there and they've been watching and listening, they must think we're very dim. However, somewhere in another universe, these extraterrestrials are the loud, child-like, gits and we're the enlightened race! Neener neener....
This is another episode of "Somewhere In Another Universe..."
Somewhere in another universe:
Predator 2 starred Samuel L. Jackson as Lt. Harrigan, now that's one movie I'd see!
3 inches is big.
Kevin Bacon is our lord and savior.
PC's are better than Macs, but it's hard to find this universe due to internal system error.
People are ten feet tall, blue colored, but not a blatant example of a director's ideals.
The truth about the Roswell crash is public knowledge, it was a clown in a tinfoil zeppelin.
America's Funniest Home Videos always nominates videos that are actually funny. (It's not America's Cutest Baby Videos after all, that's on channel 2).
Darth Vader was Luke's twin sister... and surprisingly they still Frenched one another before they knew about the truth...
The Sham Wow guy is actually very convincing...
Steven Segal is a credible actor.
People don't name their sons "Guy."
Acknowledging that you enjoy the works of Stephanie Meyer is grounds for instantaneous electrocution.
Every night is Halo night.
This has been an episode of "Somewhere In Another Universe..."
This is another episode of "Somewhere In Another Universe..."
Somewhere in another universe:
Predator 2 starred Samuel L. Jackson as Lt. Harrigan, now that's one movie I'd see!
3 inches is big.
Kevin Bacon is our lord and savior.
PC's are better than Macs, but it's hard to find this universe due to internal system error.
People are ten feet tall, blue colored, but not a blatant example of a director's ideals.
The truth about the Roswell crash is public knowledge, it was a clown in a tinfoil zeppelin.
America's Funniest Home Videos always nominates videos that are actually funny. (It's not America's Cutest Baby Videos after all, that's on channel 2).
Darth Vader was Luke's twin sister... and surprisingly they still Frenched one another before they knew about the truth...
The Sham Wow guy is actually very convincing...
Steven Segal is a credible actor.
People don't name their sons "Guy."
Acknowledging that you enjoy the works of Stephanie Meyer is grounds for instantaneous electrocution.
Every night is Halo night.
This has been an episode of "Somewhere In Another Universe..."
Saturday, July 3, 2010
"Somewhere In Another Universe..." Episode 2
The world is a strange place. It's a world where the Lost ending left you feeling fulfilled but empty inside at the same time. A world where the billion dollar idea is about blue cats on floating rocks (not that it's a bad idea, I loved it). A world where the truth can only come out in the form of a joke without coming across as nutty or insane. A universe much more stranger than any I can come up with in a day. This just so happens to be the universe we live in, but we manage because we are just as strange as it is, if not more.
This is another episode of "Somewhere In Another Universe..."
Somewhere in another universe:
We really understand why the universe was created, but we don't like the reason.
Christian Bale's head exploded on the set of Terminator Salvation due to rage.
There are actual dinosaurs at the Portland Zoo.
Indiana Jones 4 was an adaptation of Fate of Atlantis.
We know the actual height of Arnold Schwarzenegger.
That Terminator TV show ran for two more seasons and wasn't on FOX but HBO (yay nudity!)
Android Hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance...
Star Wars The Force Unleashed didn't suck.
Marvin The Martian actually got his way at the end of a Looney Toons cartoon.
No one takes Aliens novels, Predator novels, or any combination of the two seriously.
Chickenscratch is an actual written language.
House MD still has a point.
Albums by the Backstreet Boys are banned by the Geneva Convention for being an inhumane form of torture.
Twilight is banned by the Geneva Convention for being an inhumane form of torture.
CSI: Mars YEEEEAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
MCIS: Martian Criminal Investigative Service... really?
Teletubbies with high definition plasma screens
The Incredibles don't creep me out as much...
Star Wars Prequels alternatives: Samuel L. Jackson as a former pilot of the Millenium Falcon (Hyperspace Mother F*cker!)
This has been an episode of "Somewhere In Another Universe..."
This is another episode of "Somewhere In Another Universe..."
Somewhere in another universe:
We really understand why the universe was created, but we don't like the reason.
Christian Bale's head exploded on the set of Terminator Salvation due to rage.
There are actual dinosaurs at the Portland Zoo.
Indiana Jones 4 was an adaptation of Fate of Atlantis.
We know the actual height of Arnold Schwarzenegger.
That Terminator TV show ran for two more seasons and wasn't on FOX but HBO (yay nudity!)
Android Hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance...
Star Wars The Force Unleashed didn't suck.
Marvin The Martian actually got his way at the end of a Looney Toons cartoon.
No one takes Aliens novels, Predator novels, or any combination of the two seriously.
Chickenscratch is an actual written language.
House MD still has a point.
Albums by the Backstreet Boys are banned by the Geneva Convention for being an inhumane form of torture.
Twilight is banned by the Geneva Convention for being an inhumane form of torture.
CSI: Mars YEEEEAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
MCIS: Martian Criminal Investigative Service... really?
Teletubbies with high definition plasma screens
The Incredibles don't creep me out as much...
Star Wars Prequels alternatives: Samuel L. Jackson as a former pilot of the Millenium Falcon (Hyperspace Mother F*cker!)
This has been an episode of "Somewhere In Another Universe..."
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Somewhere, In Another Universe... Ep. 1
This segment entitled "Somewhere, In Another Universe..." is based on the theory of alternate universes, and the strange possibilities that are held within each one.
Episode 1
Somewhere In Another Universe...
Terminator 2 was the last film in the series, no cheesy sequels followed afterward.
Michael Bay's mother miscarried.
Invader Zim was picked up for at least two more seasons, followed by a GIR spinoff.
James Cameron directed the Spider Man movie.
Dustin Hoffman didn't make Ishtar.
George Lucas is declared criminally insane.
Firefly season 3... nuff said.
Half Life 2 Episode 3 is out by 2010.
The Academy Awards aren't worried about being sexist...
Steven Baldwin who?
When someone says it's guaranteed they actually mean it.
Apple has made the iWife.
SC Johnson isn't a family company.
President Ahnuld!
Two Girls One Cup is an award winning romantic comedy.
The X Files makes sense.
Doritos is on the top of the Food Pyramid...
This has been an episode of "Somewhere In Another Universe..."
If you wish, you can send in your ideas for alternate universes in the comments box below...
Episode 1
Somewhere In Another Universe...
Terminator 2 was the last film in the series, no cheesy sequels followed afterward.
Michael Bay's mother miscarried.
Invader Zim was picked up for at least two more seasons, followed by a GIR spinoff.
James Cameron directed the Spider Man movie.
Dustin Hoffman didn't make Ishtar.
George Lucas is declared criminally insane.
Firefly season 3... nuff said.
Half Life 2 Episode 3 is out by 2010.
The Academy Awards aren't worried about being sexist...
Steven Baldwin who?
When someone says it's guaranteed they actually mean it.
Apple has made the iWife.
SC Johnson isn't a family company.
President Ahnuld!
Two Girls One Cup is an award winning romantic comedy.
The X Files makes sense.
Doritos is on the top of the Food Pyramid...
This has been an episode of "Somewhere In Another Universe..."
If you wish, you can send in your ideas for alternate universes in the comments box below...
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