Wednesday, December 22, 2010

"Welcome to The Grid of Suckage," My Review of Tron: Legacy


Wow, I honestly don't know where to begin with this movie. I mean, wow, how do you screw up Tron? You'd think that with this being a sequel and all the writers of this movie would actually know a thing or two about the world of Tron or at least computers and the way a business is ran. Then there's the fact that only half of this movie is actually in 3D, which you'd think would make the tickets to the 3D showing half off.
What the hell happened during the making of this movie? It's like they started filming the movie with regular cameras when someone came up with the idea to make it 3D and everyone wondered what they were going to do with the stuff they had shot already. The way they made this movie seem like it'd be a fun 3D adventure like Avatar is a falsehood, not only does this movie not feel like it's in 3D it also fails at being the supposedly epic movie you saw in the trailers. Of course trailers are always misleading but you'd figure they'd at least show us what the movie really was: a big dumb action movie. The only thing that manages to save this movie is Olivia Wilde's sex factor, plus I totally bought her as a kick ass warrior princess.

The story makes no sense at all. We are first introduced to Garrett Hedlund, playing Kevin Flynn's son Sam, inexplicably breaking into his own company and pirating his own product. All of this nonsense is basically just filler until we get to the grid, which looks pretty but you never feel any sense of threat or danger as Sam easily manages to pull off kung fu moves like Jackie Chan himself. This brings me to one of the many things that maims this movie: the CGI Jeff Bridges. In the movie, Clu is represented as a young Jeff Bridges via digital makeup, which looks completely horrible. I don't understand why they chose to do this when modern makeup artists could do a much more believable job, hell back in the 80's they were able to make convincing old makeup for Back To The Future 2, so why the hell is it that we are so reliant on digital makeup? Sure it worked for movies like Pirates of The Caribbean 2 and Avatar but seriously if you're going to go in that direction then you have to make it look as good as you possibly can and I don't think this was what happened on Tron Legacy. They even used this effect on the real Jeff Bridges in the flashback and it too looked like a rubbery, dead eyed mask.
This movie is so full of fail that I can't even begin to describe what I saw. Hell, I honestly don't think I can't I was running one of the worst fevers I have ever had in my entire life that day to the point that I nearly passed out. I could blame it on the fever, but I believe it was the suckage of this movie.
The lightcycle battles, while flashy, don't retain that sense of claustrophobia as the walls of light quickly turn into a maze of death, we never see this, and to be honest it makes me wonder if the writers ever saw the first movie.
The plot makes no sense as Sam blindly stumbles from one CGI action set piece to the other. It is established that Clu sent the page that drew Sam into the grid, that he was an integral part in Clu's plans to draw Kevin out into a trap. If this is true, then why the hell did he try to kill him in a light cycle race? Hell, Clu's motivation is never fully explained. I'd understand if he was simply continuing with his pre-programmed mission of building the perfect world and that he's just mindlessly wiping out the grid to do it, but they hint at the fact that he's gone all "Third Reich" on the Grid and plans on taking over the world (insert clip from Street Fighter). Why? Because we live in the world Clu wants to invade to add some very thin drama to a drama less piece of garbage.
Olivia Wilde's character is said to be a "new life form that will change the world" yet how can she or any other member of her people do that? They never show us any reasoning behind this statement. She doesn't hold any sort of superpower or secret knowledge that could change the world. All she does is look pretty and kick ass. So how is it that the movie tries to say she's important to the understanding of life as we know it? Because her people evolved out of nothing? Big whoop, we did that thousands of years before them, if anything I'd say her people are behind on the evolutionary road. There's nothing that make me believe she's going to change the world and how we view it. It all boils down to a writer who was pulling ideas out of his ass as he cobbled together this crapfest of a movie.
My god how can you fail at making a coherent movie? It's a problem that almost every filmmaker in Hollywood seems to have now a days as they produce assembly line movies. The problem with that is that if Hollywood made cars instead of movies, the cars wouldn't run because they forgot to put in the engines. It's a very obvious thing to have the movie needs a coherent story like a car needs an engine. Without it you go nowhere.

It's sad to think that this was the best movie of all the things people can be watching this weekend. That even with all of this crap weighing it down it's still the no. 1 movie at the box office.

God I have a headache...

Two headaches out of five actually...

Can't believe they killed off Jeff Bridges in that movie, it's like Kingdom of The Crystal Skull killing off Harrison Ford...

Fail... just fail...

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