Tuesday, February 14, 2012

It's Back! SIAU Season 2: Episode 2

You look up and see a door floating in circles in front of you. It draws closer and closer, slowly opening as it does. You step inside and find yourself in another world outside the one you know. It is a world of infinite possibility with infinite variations and infinite forms. It's infinite. This is known as the multiverse and it's a very very big place. I'm serious, one universe is big enough and there are millions of them! That's why it took me so long to get this episode up, I got lost and the cheeseburger man I met in dimension 212 gave crappy directions! Don't trust cheeseburger men, they may smell delicious but inside they are nothing but processed meat byproduct!


Anyways, I'm back and ready to share more of the strange worlds I have uncovered in this the latest entry in "SOMEWHERE IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE!"

Somewhere in another universe:

It was discovered that George Lucas' turkey neck was in fact an evil alien parasite bent on ruining our childhoods.

Apple put Steve Jobs' brain into an Apple iBod.

It was discovered that Abraham Lincoln was in fact involved in paranormal investigations, he wasn't a vampire hunter however, but did go toe to toe with El Chupacabra.

When Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight Rises was released it inspired Michael Bay to quit directing and become a monk in a monastery.

Tron Legacy charged tickets to 3D showings at half price due to it being only half 3D.

When someone is diagnosed with a terminal illness said patient is given a nurse who sexually pleasures them in ways that are illegal in our universe.

Theaters that had showings of The Smurfs secretly replaced the film with copies of the Playboy version of Avatar, which explains how it nearly beat Cowboys and Aliens at the box office.

The game Angry Birds is actually a war biopic.

Men have developed the ability to see through clothing and have managed to keep this hidden from women for hundreds of years.

The Government has been hiding the existence of extraterrestrials from the public. The reason for it, as stated by President Richard Nixon, was: "For shits and giggles."

There is no such thing as Orange juice with pulp.

Men who leave the toilet seat up are forced to eat 28 metric tons of lima beans as punishment.

In "Rise of The Planet of The Apes" David Hewlett is considered the main protagonist.

Verizon actually sells androids. Not the phones but actual androids.

The world is inhabited by cheeseburger people who eat humans between slabs of granite. They also give terrible directions.

The Large Hadron Collider was designed by IKEA.

The Batman movies are even more realistic. In that Bruce Wayne grows up to be a normal guy since he had no clue how to train to become a master crimefighter because who the hell does that?

We know what the three sea shells are for.

You've had sex with *insert favorite celebrity here* but no one believes you.

Dead Island was just as emotionally engaging as it's trailer.

Someone has invented the Geek Girl detector.

And so our meeting has come to an end. Leave here knowing that while you may inhabit an insane world that it could have been worse. You could have been a cheeseburger person, or had sex with your favorite celebrity but no one believes you. For all things are possible somewhere in another universe....

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